On the Verge of Always
by TVjas
Summary: Castle's face displayed the grim determination of someone planning a funeral instead of the love and joy that should accompany the question


_Don't give up on us baby, lord knows we've come this far__  
Can't we stay the way we are, the angel and the dreamer__  
Who sometimes plays a fool, don't give up on us I know__  
We can still come through_

From 'Don't Give Up on Us' by David Soul

* * *

As Beckett approached the swing set, her mind was spinning. She was confident when she called Castle and said they needed to talk. Now as she neared him her heart was pounding and her palms were sweating. It unnerved her to see him sitting on the swing like a statue staring straight ahead. She probably should have handled things better, but now maybe she could explain herself.

Kate sat on the swing next to Castle, but her apology was cut short by him. His jaw was set and he wouldn't look at her. She dreaded his words and when he said that he wanted more she clenched her teeth together. Isn't that what she had been thinking all along? She wanted more and hadn't given much thought about their relationship when she got the job offer. Actually, she was lying to herself. She had thought about them as a couple and what the job would do to their relationship, but she chose to disregard it and had only thought about what a great opportunity it was for _**her**_. She wanted more and decided not to include Castle. Now it sounded like the more he wanted didn't include her. Her stomach clenched, and she guessed that was how Castle felt when he discovered the boarding pass. She schooled her features. She knew she deserved whatever he was going to dish out, and she would take it like the strong woman she was.

"…will you marry me?"

What? He was on his knee and he had asked her to marry him! And yet, Castle's face displayed the grim determination of someone planning a funeral instead of the love and joy that should accompany the question that would launch the rest of their lives together. She was stunned and completely at a loss as to how to respond. She glanced down at the ring. It was stunningly beautiful, but she was blinded by the tears that suddenly filled her eyes.

"Oh, Castle," she finally breathed out. Her eyes returned to his, as she fully realized what his proposal meant. He was in it. It didn't depend on her turning down the job. He was choosing her no matter what.

Castle waited. His dark blue eyes carefully watched her reaction, but he didn't dare to hope. He had put his heart on a platter and handed it to her. If staying with her to the end while she stood on a bomb didn't let her know that he really meant all those "Always" that he had promised her, then this was the only thing left that could convince her. It seemed like 5 minutes had passed without an answer from her, but he guessed it had only been a few seconds. The weight of the ring was starting to pull his arm down as his mouth settled into a grim line. Finally his gaze dropped to the dirt under the swings. He felt like he deserved an answer, but he knew that no answer was the same as an answer. The air left his lungs.

He flinched when her hands took hold of his, the touch was so unexpected. She was pulling him up off his knee. His eyes raised up to meet hers. Her face was open and her eyes were gentle. For the first time hope flashed in his eyes.

"Castle, I've dreamed of this moment – more times then I care to admit. In all my dreams, never once did your face look like you were being led to the gallows when you proposed." A small smile briefly touched Kate's lips. "The last time we spoke we were fighting. We need to understand what each other wants from this relationship. We need to understand our fears, too. I'd like very much for you to save this beautiful ring for me and ask me later after we've had a chance to really talk things through."

Castle's gaze never wavered. The seriousness never softened. "I already know what I want, Kate."

Kate still held his hands in hers. She pressed her lips together and tried to choose her words carefully. "Rick, I think we are both scared to take the next step. You have 2 failed marriages and I have trouble letting people in. I love you, Rick, but it doesn't feel like the right time to become engaged. I don't want you to propose just because you're afraid I might leave. I don't want to feel like I have to say yes to keep you from giving up on me. I want you, Rick, but we need to be in a better place for this to happen. Can't you see that?"

Castle considered her words and nodded solemnly. His proposal had felt hollow and maybe a little desperate. It wasn't the way he wanted it to happen either. "OK, Kate, as long as you aren't saying no."

Kate managed another small smile and this time Castle's face eased as well. He didn't exactly smile, but at least the tension was gone.

"I could never say no to you," Kate said as she reached up and brushed the hair back from Castle's forehead.

Castle wrapped his arms around Kate and crushed her to his chest. "I will ask you again, Kate. When I do you'll be able to see all my love and you won't have any doubts. We're amazing together, Kate, and we deserve to be together – always."

* * *

A/N I guess you noticed I left the elephant in the room. Will she or won't she take the job?

I left that question hang out there because it wasn't important for the proposal.


End file.
